So, its been a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time since I last wrote on this thing. I don't even think I need to point that out, but....whatever. Anyway. So it is now coming toward the end of October and it has been one of the most amazing Autumns that I have experienced aside from the countless cross country Autumns that I lived through. It is mostly due to the fact that I haven't seen trees change colors for about five years, and it was slowly killing me inside. I mean, its one thing to not see leaves change, its another when you live in Florida, and rather than changing colors, the leaves just shrivel up and turn brown and black and look really ugly. There is a time and place for ugly leaves; thats right before the first snow fall in the first weeks of November. Thats right I said November. Ever since returning to the north I have tried to remember when exactly the snow starts falling.
Consensus: It depends.
I remember when it started snowing in the first week of October, but then again I remember it not snowing until Christmas (that was a very depressing winter).
But already I can sense it. The temperature is slowly reaching lows at night which could sustain solid precipitation if it were to rain/snow/sleet. And!....and, it has already snowed in the Adirondacks! This means that snow is soon to push south into my area and from that point I should be a happy camper to have completed one last Autumn in Upstate New York!
Aside from that, I have been working every day for about a week and a half and I finally have a day off tomorrow. But I am pooped so I am just gonna leave it here and go to bed. Expect some fall foliage pictures within the next 43 hours....I meant 48 but I guess I can mix it up a bit.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Vagabond
So... I just watched the movie 500 Days of Summer, again...and there are two things I have to say about that movie.
One!
When I grow up, or maybe in a few years once I have a place of my own, like a real place of my own....I mean like my second floor studio brownstone in Georgetown with a view of the Potomac where I hook up a second floor loft bedroom, because my brownstone has vaulted ceilings so there will be a loft with glass side rails that lead down to my main living area......wow, a little insight into my dream home, anyhoo, I want an entire wall dedicated to a chalkboard with which I can write/draw anything I can think of. Of course, this is about 6 or 7 years down the road, and thats if I am not married with kids or something...but hopefully I don't have kids before I live in my dream home for at least one day. Or perhaps, I will just buy this dream house and use it as my vacation/get away from the family dream home/mancavebrownstone kinda thing. Or, maybe I'll just hook up a full brownstone in Georgetown if that happens, just in case...
TWO!
I absolutely love the song Vagabond by Wolfmother.
I know its random, but the song is just absolutely amazing! I like the way it builds at the beginning and just explodes into a wall of sound that just blasts your ears like a tidal wave that you had your back to at the beach....yea, we have all experienced that at least once. Not only do I love the acoustics of the song, the lyrics are kinda cool too, I always find myself just singing along to the 'I'll tell you everything about being free.' Its the line of the century in my books. To most people I am an easy going guy, just kinda floating around. Well I see all of these people I know around me freak out about the smallest thing, and I think, how would I react to that? I mean unless my dog died or 'boo got shot' on my front porch, then I wouldn't find myself freaking out too much. I have come to the realization that there is so much shit in this world that goes wrong every day, maybe, we should just not over analyze it. Its also very advantageous to ones positive psyche to realize that one day you are going to die, and there is nothing more scary than that. So when you compare everything else to your eventual death, it pales in comparison. Therefore, that nail you just broke, the OJ you accidentally poured in your cereal bowl, that coke your boyfriend bought you when you wanted a diet coke....does it really matter? nails grow back, OJ in a bowl is OJ in a bowl, drink it out of the bowl....and is one coke going to kill you? if you like the taste of diet coke better...don't even talk to me, there is no hope for you and no chance of me helping you understand that diet coke can kill you just as well as regular coke.
either way, this song is probably among my top five favorite songs, right along side all that other stuff that I really like but can't for the life of me remember. I'm sure that if it comes on the radio and you are with me, you will know.......Oh! The Who-Won't Get Fooled Again is my absolute favorite song of all time. Like pre-CSI, which almost ruined it for me, until I stopped watching the news on CBS and switched to NBC...although I still try to catch 60 minutes from time to time. Awesome song, pure awesome awesomeness.....woooh
Since I don't have anything else I can add to this, I think I'll just end it here...
One!
When I grow up, or maybe in a few years once I have a place of my own, like a real place of my own....I mean like my second floor studio brownstone in Georgetown with a view of the Potomac where I hook up a second floor loft bedroom, because my brownstone has vaulted ceilings so there will be a loft with glass side rails that lead down to my main living area......wow, a little insight into my dream home, anyhoo, I want an entire wall dedicated to a chalkboard with which I can write/draw anything I can think of. Of course, this is about 6 or 7 years down the road, and thats if I am not married with kids or something...but hopefully I don't have kids before I live in my dream home for at least one day. Or perhaps, I will just buy this dream house and use it as my vacation/get away from the family dream home/mancavebrownstone kinda thing. Or, maybe I'll just hook up a full brownstone in Georgetown if that happens, just in case...
TWO!
I absolutely love the song Vagabond by Wolfmother.
I know its random, but the song is just absolutely amazing! I like the way it builds at the beginning and just explodes into a wall of sound that just blasts your ears like a tidal wave that you had your back to at the beach....yea, we have all experienced that at least once. Not only do I love the acoustics of the song, the lyrics are kinda cool too, I always find myself just singing along to the 'I'll tell you everything about being free.' Its the line of the century in my books. To most people I am an easy going guy, just kinda floating around. Well I see all of these people I know around me freak out about the smallest thing, and I think, how would I react to that? I mean unless my dog died or 'boo got shot' on my front porch, then I wouldn't find myself freaking out too much. I have come to the realization that there is so much shit in this world that goes wrong every day, maybe, we should just not over analyze it. Its also very advantageous to ones positive psyche to realize that one day you are going to die, and there is nothing more scary than that. So when you compare everything else to your eventual death, it pales in comparison. Therefore, that nail you just broke, the OJ you accidentally poured in your cereal bowl, that coke your boyfriend bought you when you wanted a diet coke....does it really matter? nails grow back, OJ in a bowl is OJ in a bowl, drink it out of the bowl....and is one coke going to kill you? if you like the taste of diet coke better...don't even talk to me, there is no hope for you and no chance of me helping you understand that diet coke can kill you just as well as regular coke.
either way, this song is probably among my top five favorite songs, right along side all that other stuff that I really like but can't for the life of me remember. I'm sure that if it comes on the radio and you are with me, you will know.......Oh! The Who-Won't Get Fooled Again is my absolute favorite song of all time. Like pre-CSI, which almost ruined it for me, until I stopped watching the news on CBS and switched to NBC...although I still try to catch 60 minutes from time to time. Awesome song, pure awesome awesomeness.....woooh
Since I don't have anything else I can add to this, I think I'll just end it here...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
United States Army
So, I have some big news. As of 48 hours ago, I was sworn in as a Soldier in the United States Army. As much as I wanted this to happen eventually, I didn't see it going on this way, although I am happy it did.
Not 10 minutes after arriving home from my vacation in Florida, I called my recruiter to confirm my DLAB test for the next morning at Albany MEPS. Now, before I left, I remember her saying I would take the test at 6, it would take an hour, and I would be out of there by 10. Now, being so excited about my vacation to Florida, I blatently overlooked the 3 hours where I was supposed to be doing 'stuff'. Now, I looked back it while on vacation and said to myself, I might be processing and swearing in that day as well....nah, thats impossible! Anyhoo, back to the 10 minutes after arriving home. I talked to my recruiter, confirmed the DLAB test reservation, then asked what else was going on the next day. "Well, you are filling out your contract and swearing in"....um....*slight suprise*....woah! Um Um Um.....well, I have so many questions to ask you!
So after asking many questions that may or may not have been important, I called my father...told him....met my mom in the driveway....told her....and called Blair and freaked out to him too. After regaining composure, I gathered together what I needed in order to make it through the following 24 hours without dying or something.
So I stayed the night at the hotel and then the next morning made the fateful trip to MEPSALB to begin the process. Unfortunately I scored 2 points below the minimum score in order to qualify for language learning proficiency. I shouldn't say unfortunately because I really wanted to work in MI and language isn't required. I was told that I might be able to take the DLAB again once I am at AIT and try to qualify again. After working through some hiccups throughout the day, I finally completed my processing and found myself sitting in a room with a few other recruits. So, long story short....well short story short, I swore in and it hasn't really hit me yet, I have a feeling its coming soon....I felt something tonight when I was just sitting around, I thought...o my! I joined the Army, I finally get to travel out west past the Mississippi!
I am happy, I am finally following my dreams, and since my loans might be deferred, I might be starting on my masters degree sooner than I thought! Hopefully this means that everything is finally falling into place. I will be posting photos as soon as I steal them from my parents cameras; in the mean time, this description will suffice.
The following is my training schedule for BCT so you all know when I go:
BCT: Ft. Jackson Columbia, SC
Report date: 20110124
Well thats all for now!
Not 10 minutes after arriving home from my vacation in Florida, I called my recruiter to confirm my DLAB test for the next morning at Albany MEPS. Now, before I left, I remember her saying I would take the test at 6, it would take an hour, and I would be out of there by 10. Now, being so excited about my vacation to Florida, I blatently overlooked the 3 hours where I was supposed to be doing 'stuff'. Now, I looked back it while on vacation and said to myself, I might be processing and swearing in that day as well....nah, thats impossible! Anyhoo, back to the 10 minutes after arriving home. I talked to my recruiter, confirmed the DLAB test reservation, then asked what else was going on the next day. "Well, you are filling out your contract and swearing in"....um....*slight suprise*....woah! Um Um Um.....well, I have so many questions to ask you!
So after asking many questions that may or may not have been important, I called my father...told him....met my mom in the driveway....told her....and called Blair and freaked out to him too. After regaining composure, I gathered together what I needed in order to make it through the following 24 hours without dying or something.
So I stayed the night at the hotel and then the next morning made the fateful trip to MEPSALB to begin the process. Unfortunately I scored 2 points below the minimum score in order to qualify for language learning proficiency. I shouldn't say unfortunately because I really wanted to work in MI and language isn't required. I was told that I might be able to take the DLAB again once I am at AIT and try to qualify again. After working through some hiccups throughout the day, I finally completed my processing and found myself sitting in a room with a few other recruits. So, long story short....well short story short, I swore in and it hasn't really hit me yet, I have a feeling its coming soon....I felt something tonight when I was just sitting around, I thought...o my! I joined the Army, I finally get to travel out west past the Mississippi!
I am happy, I am finally following my dreams, and since my loans might be deferred, I might be starting on my masters degree sooner than I thought! Hopefully this means that everything is finally falling into place. I will be posting photos as soon as I steal them from my parents cameras; in the mean time, this description will suffice.
The following is my training schedule for BCT so you all know when I go:
BCT: Ft. Jackson Columbia, SC
Report date: 20110124
Well thats all for now!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My new pal Frankie
So, as I have said already, I have been extremely busy these past couple of weeks and I just couldn't spare the time to write it all down. One of the reasons why I was so busy was because of my experience with my new buddy I met at work, lets call him "Frankie", yes that seems to fit. Now for all you sharp people out there, you may have found out why I call him Frankie in parenthesis; well, for his sake I am not using his real name, rather a pseudo name, mainly because he didn't really like being found...
At about 8:55 pm, 5 minutes before my store was closing a man with crutches...um...crutched in. I didn't think anything of it, I just kept cleaning up my work area, excited to go hang out with my friends. Well it just so happens that he was very interested in buying a bike. Now, I figure since you all are reading this you know my height...I am kinda small, I ride a really small bike. Just to give you an idea, the normal frame size for a road bike is 54 cm, I ride a 49 cm. Now all of you think 5 cm, thats not so bad, but in the bicycle business every millimeter counts.
I digress....
Frankie, about the same size as me and paralyzed in one leg and I would say 20 years older than me, came walking into my shop and started asking about the largest bike I carry. Well it just so happens that I some how managed to snag a 61 cm frame bike from corporate a week before, and I figured this guy looks alright. As I showed him the bike it became clear that he was actually, seriously, looking for a bike for himself. Now, I stand here in front of a partially crippled guy telling me he can ride a bike. Most people would scoff at him and tell him off. Me, I listened to him and realized that this man was brilliant. He was buying a bike that was too large for himself so that he could ride it in a different way. All I could think of was Graeme Obree aka 'The Flying Scotsman', this guy owned a bike shop back in Scotland that closed, he was a mentally broken human who had nothing to do, so he created a bicycle with random household appliances and created a new racing geometry and managed to take the world one hour cycling record, twice. So from this point on I was pretty much sold on this guy getting a bike.
So turns out the first night I stayed a half an hour past the close of the store to talk to Frankie about his riding style and how he had a bike that fit him perfect but someone stole it. It was at this time that he also told me that he was planning on having a custom bike built for him but in the mean time he needed a beater bike. So he comes to me to look at some nice road bikes. Makes total sense. But anyway, over the next week, he came in and talked to me about what he needed, went on numerous test rides on this one bike and absolutely loved it. I even came in on my days off to help this guy out because it was cool to watch a disabled person ride a bike.
Now this guy unveils in our conversations that he works in many different trades, one of the major ones being construction. I start to wonder, can this guy be real? day after day he comes in and tells me which bike shop he was eventually chased out of this time because he was being too abnormal, yet I was the only one to keep working with him. I always thought it was cool though that a disabled person goes against the grain and fights his condition to come out on top.
So anyway, last sunday I go to sell the bike to him finally, and since I started working at EMS I have noticed that there were cracks in certain frames due to an anomaly in the assembly process at the factory. So as he is signing the papers for the bike I say "well the bike is brand new but I have had problems with some frames in this particular model in the past" pointing to the problem area "look out for cra..................SHIT!, I can't sell you this bike man, theres a crack in the fucking frame" So, he seemed oddly understanding, I explained to him the process that was about to take place in order to get a replacement frame and get him out on the road, but it was going to take a bit of time. Time I knew he didn't really have. So here I am, busting my ass getting Scott to send me this frame ASAP. I called my friend Kevin at the Warranty Department at 10 am every day, to check on the process, shipping time, and if I was missing anything for the warranty process to take place. Well, I called on Friday, and Kevin says the frame won't reach my end until Monday according to FEDEX. Monday rolls around, no frame......so I look up the shipping, Tuesday. I call up Frankie, and he says its cool, I'll still stop by and see how you are doing. So he stopped by and while he was there he said he wanted to show me a new bike that he bought... So here I am, lost all hope that I was gonna hook him up with his bike, and he turns around and says....I'll be back tomorrow to test ride that bike...I still want it.
So, here I am absolutely floored that he is planning on buying 3 bikes in total. So, the frame comes in mid day after I deal with a cranky customer and everything blows up in my face for about an hour, and Frankie walks in.
Frankie: "how ya doin?"
Me: "well, I could really use a gun"
Frankie: "I can help you with that, need a full clip too?"
Me: "Nah, just one bullet would suffice"
So its obvious I was having a bad day and had just started working on the frame. Instead of getting angry, the guy laughs at me and asks if I want him to pick up some food or something to calm me down. By far the best customer experience I have ever had. Now to cut this short, I finished the bike, he bought it, and I now hope I have more customers like while working at EMS...probably won't happen, but one can hope.
Anyhoo, this is a shout out to 'Frankie', enjoy your bike and ride safe and if anyone ever screws with your bike, I am willing to hunt them down and retrieve it, and that is a promise.
At about 8:55 pm, 5 minutes before my store was closing a man with crutches...um...crutched in. I didn't think anything of it, I just kept cleaning up my work area, excited to go hang out with my friends. Well it just so happens that he was very interested in buying a bike. Now, I figure since you all are reading this you know my height...I am kinda small, I ride a really small bike. Just to give you an idea, the normal frame size for a road bike is 54 cm, I ride a 49 cm. Now all of you think 5 cm, thats not so bad, but in the bicycle business every millimeter counts.
I digress....
Frankie, about the same size as me and paralyzed in one leg and I would say 20 years older than me, came walking into my shop and started asking about the largest bike I carry. Well it just so happens that I some how managed to snag a 61 cm frame bike from corporate a week before, and I figured this guy looks alright. As I showed him the bike it became clear that he was actually, seriously, looking for a bike for himself. Now, I stand here in front of a partially crippled guy telling me he can ride a bike. Most people would scoff at him and tell him off. Me, I listened to him and realized that this man was brilliant. He was buying a bike that was too large for himself so that he could ride it in a different way. All I could think of was Graeme Obree aka 'The Flying Scotsman', this guy owned a bike shop back in Scotland that closed, he was a mentally broken human who had nothing to do, so he created a bicycle with random household appliances and created a new racing geometry and managed to take the world one hour cycling record, twice. So from this point on I was pretty much sold on this guy getting a bike.
So turns out the first night I stayed a half an hour past the close of the store to talk to Frankie about his riding style and how he had a bike that fit him perfect but someone stole it. It was at this time that he also told me that he was planning on having a custom bike built for him but in the mean time he needed a beater bike. So he comes to me to look at some nice road bikes. Makes total sense. But anyway, over the next week, he came in and talked to me about what he needed, went on numerous test rides on this one bike and absolutely loved it. I even came in on my days off to help this guy out because it was cool to watch a disabled person ride a bike.
Now this guy unveils in our conversations that he works in many different trades, one of the major ones being construction. I start to wonder, can this guy be real? day after day he comes in and tells me which bike shop he was eventually chased out of this time because he was being too abnormal, yet I was the only one to keep working with him. I always thought it was cool though that a disabled person goes against the grain and fights his condition to come out on top.
So anyway, last sunday I go to sell the bike to him finally, and since I started working at EMS I have noticed that there were cracks in certain frames due to an anomaly in the assembly process at the factory. So as he is signing the papers for the bike I say "well the bike is brand new but I have had problems with some frames in this particular model in the past" pointing to the problem area "look out for cra..................SHIT!, I can't sell you this bike man, theres a crack in the fucking frame" So, he seemed oddly understanding, I explained to him the process that was about to take place in order to get a replacement frame and get him out on the road, but it was going to take a bit of time. Time I knew he didn't really have. So here I am, busting my ass getting Scott to send me this frame ASAP. I called my friend Kevin at the Warranty Department at 10 am every day, to check on the process, shipping time, and if I was missing anything for the warranty process to take place. Well, I called on Friday, and Kevin says the frame won't reach my end until Monday according to FEDEX. Monday rolls around, no frame......so I look up the shipping, Tuesday. I call up Frankie, and he says its cool, I'll still stop by and see how you are doing. So he stopped by and while he was there he said he wanted to show me a new bike that he bought... So here I am, lost all hope that I was gonna hook him up with his bike, and he turns around and says....I'll be back tomorrow to test ride that bike...I still want it.
So, here I am absolutely floored that he is planning on buying 3 bikes in total. So, the frame comes in mid day after I deal with a cranky customer and everything blows up in my face for about an hour, and Frankie walks in.
Frankie: "how ya doin?"
Me: "well, I could really use a gun"
Frankie: "I can help you with that, need a full clip too?"
Me: "Nah, just one bullet would suffice"
So its obvious I was having a bad day and had just started working on the frame. Instead of getting angry, the guy laughs at me and asks if I want him to pick up some food or something to calm me down. By far the best customer experience I have ever had. Now to cut this short, I finished the bike, he bought it, and I now hope I have more customers like while working at EMS...probably won't happen, but one can hope.
Anyhoo, this is a shout out to 'Frankie', enjoy your bike and ride safe and if anyone ever screws with your bike, I am willing to hunt them down and retrieve it, and that is a promise.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friendship...a test of time, or is it?
So, I have to apologize to some people as of late for not keeping up my correspondence but I have been extremely busy. Who uses the word correspondence these days, it seems kind of odd to me. Anyhoo, lets just jump in on this topic. When I was young and ignorant to the ways of life, I figured that staying friends with people I knew for many years would be easy. We would talk all the time, send emails/aim, hang out on breaks and be invited to each others weddings and all that stuff. Well, I grew up. I also learned that life doesn't always work that way. Some people just weren't meant to be friends with me no matter how hard I try. So I went to college and many of my friends stopped IMing and emailing and I found myself with the true core of friends who actually cared. These were the people who I care about. They don't give a shit where I am or what I am doing, they always know they will see me again and sure they miss me. I always gave second chances to people who dropped off the grid, and I have regained long lost friends that way.
I now revisit this topic after graduating college, now don't get me wrong the setting is a bit different. Instead of many years, there was around 5 years, and it wasn't like I just knew who was my friend and who would be a complete douche. I have to agree though that save a few of my friends from high school, I have a high quality band of people who I have the honor of calling my friends. I went through graduation thinking that this would be the sequel to the high school experience. It was the exact opposite. Now, I don't if there are different circumstances, but I have always placed friendship as my number one belief. Although my own commitment may lack at times, I have found myself with a constant to do list in my head that doesn't seem to end. I figured I would wash my car a few weeks ago, and its still pretty damn dirty. So, as scatterbrained as I may be, I still think of the fun times I have had with my friends and the fun to be had in the future. Oh by the way, spell check says that scatterbrained is a word, shit hot. yea. Anyway, some may come and go, and I am more willing to let them go because maybe it wasn't meant to be, but there are always people out there that I can't believe I met and can't imagine the rest of my life with out them in it, in any capacity.
So to all of you out there who still talk to me, call me, or remember the times we had on an abnormal basis, this is a shout out to you.
If you aren't around, may I see you soon so we can bro out, and if I may die before seeing you again, may I forever haunt your dreams as well as the dreams of your respective kids...I'll be like a stain that doesn't come out of your favorite t-shirt.
I now revisit this topic after graduating college, now don't get me wrong the setting is a bit different. Instead of many years, there was around 5 years, and it wasn't like I just knew who was my friend and who would be a complete douche. I have to agree though that save a few of my friends from high school, I have a high quality band of people who I have the honor of calling my friends. I went through graduation thinking that this would be the sequel to the high school experience. It was the exact opposite. Now, I don't if there are different circumstances, but I have always placed friendship as my number one belief. Although my own commitment may lack at times, I have found myself with a constant to do list in my head that doesn't seem to end. I figured I would wash my car a few weeks ago, and its still pretty damn dirty. So, as scatterbrained as I may be, I still think of the fun times I have had with my friends and the fun to be had in the future. Oh by the way, spell check says that scatterbrained is a word, shit hot. yea. Anyway, some may come and go, and I am more willing to let them go because maybe it wasn't meant to be, but there are always people out there that I can't believe I met and can't imagine the rest of my life with out them in it, in any capacity.
So to all of you out there who still talk to me, call me, or remember the times we had on an abnormal basis, this is a shout out to you.
If you aren't around, may I see you soon so we can bro out, and if I may die before seeing you again, may I forever haunt your dreams as well as the dreams of your respective kids...I'll be like a stain that doesn't come out of your favorite t-shirt.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Diso...blah blah blah
If you know me, you probably know my past. When I first started in Kindergarten, I was always being my own person. I explored, goofed off, and yea I got in trouble sometimes. Well I think my life is filled with overreactions by certain influential people that caused me to have major hurtles to jump over during those years to come. Because of my 'bad behavior' in Kindergarten, I was sent home with daily status sticky notes. There were three outcomes to my day; one being a happy face, which my teacher awarded me with at the end of the day if I was a 'good boy', if I gave it to my mom it meant I could go outside and play after I got home from school. The next was a line face, or what one might call an okay day, "it was a challenge, but we got through it without causing much trouble", this meant that when I got home, I would have a discussion with my mother and grounded to the house for the day with hopes of a better day. The third, as you may have guessed, was a frown face, it meant, "this kid did some screwed up stuff today" now, by screwed up, it was basically, I decided to act out as an individual at the age of five, what kid doesn't? anyway, if I brought that home, it meant I was grounded to my room.
Well my teachers thought I was an idiot from the start; well they were the idiots. Me, in my young infinite wisdom noticed that my teacher didn't date these smiley face notes. So I started collecting the smiley face notes and giving them to my mother when I wanted to play outside. I had a good system going, I would use smiley faces for the most part and mixed in the line faces every once in a while and once in a great while when it was raining outside, I might pull out a sad face so that nobody became suspicious. Now, with creativity like this, I don't know how one could call me a special education candidate because of a 'learning disability'.
Now, I have had to deal the term ADD/ADHD since I was diagnosed with this condition in first grade. Its annoying to think that because a child is hyperactive, they must be medicated because something is wrong with them. When I was young, I remember not paying attention in class because the teachers weren't teaching things I was interested in. I wasn't an idiot. Yet they brought a slew of psychologists in to analyze me and I was told that I am not imaginative and that I had cognitive problems even though they didn't know me. The labeled me as an idiot and then in 5th grade they tested me and found that I was reading at a collegiate level and could spell better than anyone in my school, yet, I was still labeled as a 'learning disabled' person. I spent many nights thinking about how much it sucked to be away from my friends for half the day while I sat around in a room for special ed listening to people struggle with things that I had no problem with. I watched, as heads of my school dismissed me as a nobody, who had nothing to give to society but a vocational skill such as building houses or fixing cars. Someone destined to be a failure at life.
It was in 7th grade that I realized my full potential, and from that point on I decided to fight the system. I took their tests, I participated in their psychological analysis and eventually fought my way out of the system. I decided from that point on I wouldn't let my past bother me.
Its kind of hard to let my past go when it seems like every other week its brought up. It might be the slightest thing as someone trailing off in a conversation and jokingly saying "oh my ADD is kicking in" or something as big as applying for a job where they require a medical waiver for my past "learning disability".
I write this now because the past two days I have had to relive my past, reading through standardized test scores and listening to my new private practice doctor tell me that from what she read I have a cognitive learning problem....HAVE....I was furious at her use of the present tense when reading my past psychological reviews. I was also told that I should look into seeing a psychologist again to make sure that my 'condition' won't affect me in the future. Now, for the past 10 years, I have overcome this adversity and succeeded in achieving many things. I have been called an asset to many things I am involved in. I love to teach, and I feel as though I have a very deep and complex thought process that exceeds simple knowledge barriers.
Since I got out of the program, I have been beaten down and doubted by many people, but I like to use that negativity as a way to empower myself to prove the past wrong. I can't right the wrongs that were done to me, and neither can the teachers, doctors, psychologists and school staff, but I can at least motivate myself to prove them wrong. I like to think that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it and don't listen to the naysayers.
I like to think I wrote this not only to vent my frustrations as of late, but to help my friends and random people who read this realize that you will always face challenges in life, and it might be reoccurring. It can only defeat you if you let it defeat you. As human beings, we accomplish many things in the face of adversity. Face your fears, and face your accusers, prove them wrong and know that you are not alone.
Well my teachers thought I was an idiot from the start; well they were the idiots. Me, in my young infinite wisdom noticed that my teacher didn't date these smiley face notes. So I started collecting the smiley face notes and giving them to my mother when I wanted to play outside. I had a good system going, I would use smiley faces for the most part and mixed in the line faces every once in a while and once in a great while when it was raining outside, I might pull out a sad face so that nobody became suspicious. Now, with creativity like this, I don't know how one could call me a special education candidate because of a 'learning disability'.
Now, I have had to deal the term ADD/ADHD since I was diagnosed with this condition in first grade. Its annoying to think that because a child is hyperactive, they must be medicated because something is wrong with them. When I was young, I remember not paying attention in class because the teachers weren't teaching things I was interested in. I wasn't an idiot. Yet they brought a slew of psychologists in to analyze me and I was told that I am not imaginative and that I had cognitive problems even though they didn't know me. The labeled me as an idiot and then in 5th grade they tested me and found that I was reading at a collegiate level and could spell better than anyone in my school, yet, I was still labeled as a 'learning disabled' person. I spent many nights thinking about how much it sucked to be away from my friends for half the day while I sat around in a room for special ed listening to people struggle with things that I had no problem with. I watched, as heads of my school dismissed me as a nobody, who had nothing to give to society but a vocational skill such as building houses or fixing cars. Someone destined to be a failure at life.
It was in 7th grade that I realized my full potential, and from that point on I decided to fight the system. I took their tests, I participated in their psychological analysis and eventually fought my way out of the system. I decided from that point on I wouldn't let my past bother me.
Its kind of hard to let my past go when it seems like every other week its brought up. It might be the slightest thing as someone trailing off in a conversation and jokingly saying "oh my ADD is kicking in" or something as big as applying for a job where they require a medical waiver for my past "learning disability".
I write this now because the past two days I have had to relive my past, reading through standardized test scores and listening to my new private practice doctor tell me that from what she read I have a cognitive learning problem....HAVE....I was furious at her use of the present tense when reading my past psychological reviews. I was also told that I should look into seeing a psychologist again to make sure that my 'condition' won't affect me in the future. Now, for the past 10 years, I have overcome this adversity and succeeded in achieving many things. I have been called an asset to many things I am involved in. I love to teach, and I feel as though I have a very deep and complex thought process that exceeds simple knowledge barriers.
Since I got out of the program, I have been beaten down and doubted by many people, but I like to use that negativity as a way to empower myself to prove the past wrong. I can't right the wrongs that were done to me, and neither can the teachers, doctors, psychologists and school staff, but I can at least motivate myself to prove them wrong. I like to think that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it and don't listen to the naysayers.
I like to think I wrote this not only to vent my frustrations as of late, but to help my friends and random people who read this realize that you will always face challenges in life, and it might be reoccurring. It can only defeat you if you let it defeat you. As human beings, we accomplish many things in the face of adversity. Face your fears, and face your accusers, prove them wrong and know that you are not alone.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Definition of an Idealist
So I have always considered myself as an idealist when it came to how I thought. I read online once that an idealist is one who is guided more by ideals than by practical considerations. Makes perfect sense right? I guess a better way to understand it is by describing it in the form of an example.
So, its about one in the afternoon, an average day in the life of Ryan. Of course there is always a one o'clock at least once in my day, or at least I hope there is. Scary thought right? So anyway, lunchtime woooooh! the practical thing would be to find a sandwich. The idealist thing would be to find something to fill me in a way that would not only satisfy my stomach, but also my 'soul' so that I would never have to eat lunch...ever. After finding this, I would share it with the world so that all could benefit from the good that I have found.
So why am I speaking on Idealism and its close relationship with my life? Well, I guess I figured now is the time to tell my friends why I am joining the Armed Forces. I want to go to Afghanistan. There was a point in my life about a year ago when I realized this. I was reading a story about Marines in Helmand province working with locals; they fixed generators and drilled wells and focused on helping people. I have always been the type to help people in any way I can. Go ahead, ask me for a favor, theres a good chance I'll bend over backwards in order to accomplish the task you set forth for me. Anyway, I realize the danger in joining the military. But I also realize the greater good I will be part of. I want to change the world. Che Guevara once said 'let the world change you, and you can change the world'. Now I know hes kind of a bad guy according to the United States, but this guy made sense. I can't just change the world by fighting the ebb and flow of life, I have to experience everything, and by accepting what is and changing what isn't I might be able to do something good.
Now as an idealist who wants to change the world, why join the military at such a dangerous time. Why not? If not me, who is going to? On 9/11 if 343 firefighters had not lost their lives running into a burning building, there would be much more loss, more pain. Now I figure I have quite a bit of what one would call street smarts. I think that combined with training I acquire in the military, I can go a long way before I find myself in a situation where my life would be in mortal danger.
I write this because many of my friends, acquaintances, and family may be confused as to why I put my life in danger. Its more than freedom and American values. It is my own beliefs and my own values. If I don't live for something I don't live, right? So in this case I figure I have a lot to give. I had a conversation with someone tonight while I was volunteering at the bike rescue in Albany. Now there is one thing that I don't know how to deal with, and thats irrational thought. When someone dismisses my ideals with their situational point of view it just confuses me, and in the process of trying to explain myself better, I'm pretty sure I confuse them more. So I wanted to put this all down on paper so to say.
This all sounds gushy and I feel kind of lame for writing all of this but its just the way I am. If I were practical, I would probably write a pro/con list and go with the most practical choice. Thats not how I work though. I stand for something and its not about the money or how it will help my career, though the experience I gain will probably work in my favor.
So for all of you who asked me why I want to join? Please don't worry about me, I know what I am getting into. I appreciate the concern, and it makes me feel good that people actually do care. I am an idealist at heart, I cannot change this, and I don't want to. It feels good to have a drive to matter in life and have a goal to achieve. It helps me to know that what I do will help people somewhere, somehow.
So, its about one in the afternoon, an average day in the life of Ryan. Of course there is always a one o'clock at least once in my day, or at least I hope there is. Scary thought right? So anyway, lunchtime woooooh! the practical thing would be to find a sandwich. The idealist thing would be to find something to fill me in a way that would not only satisfy my stomach, but also my 'soul' so that I would never have to eat lunch...ever. After finding this, I would share it with the world so that all could benefit from the good that I have found.
So why am I speaking on Idealism and its close relationship with my life? Well, I guess I figured now is the time to tell my friends why I am joining the Armed Forces. I want to go to Afghanistan. There was a point in my life about a year ago when I realized this. I was reading a story about Marines in Helmand province working with locals; they fixed generators and drilled wells and focused on helping people. I have always been the type to help people in any way I can. Go ahead, ask me for a favor, theres a good chance I'll bend over backwards in order to accomplish the task you set forth for me. Anyway, I realize the danger in joining the military. But I also realize the greater good I will be part of. I want to change the world. Che Guevara once said 'let the world change you, and you can change the world'. Now I know hes kind of a bad guy according to the United States, but this guy made sense. I can't just change the world by fighting the ebb and flow of life, I have to experience everything, and by accepting what is and changing what isn't I might be able to do something good.
Now as an idealist who wants to change the world, why join the military at such a dangerous time. Why not? If not me, who is going to? On 9/11 if 343 firefighters had not lost their lives running into a burning building, there would be much more loss, more pain. Now I figure I have quite a bit of what one would call street smarts. I think that combined with training I acquire in the military, I can go a long way before I find myself in a situation where my life would be in mortal danger.
I write this because many of my friends, acquaintances, and family may be confused as to why I put my life in danger. Its more than freedom and American values. It is my own beliefs and my own values. If I don't live for something I don't live, right? So in this case I figure I have a lot to give. I had a conversation with someone tonight while I was volunteering at the bike rescue in Albany. Now there is one thing that I don't know how to deal with, and thats irrational thought. When someone dismisses my ideals with their situational point of view it just confuses me, and in the process of trying to explain myself better, I'm pretty sure I confuse them more. So I wanted to put this all down on paper so to say.
This all sounds gushy and I feel kind of lame for writing all of this but its just the way I am. If I were practical, I would probably write a pro/con list and go with the most practical choice. Thats not how I work though. I stand for something and its not about the money or how it will help my career, though the experience I gain will probably work in my favor.
So for all of you who asked me why I want to join? Please don't worry about me, I know what I am getting into. I appreciate the concern, and it makes me feel good that people actually do care. I am an idealist at heart, I cannot change this, and I don't want to. It feels good to have a drive to matter in life and have a goal to achieve. It helps me to know that what I do will help people somewhere, somehow.
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